What a clear boundary looked like in my home at 2 am

I wanna share with you guys an example of how I held a boundary today, warmly and clearly, because I am such an examples person, and this really helps me make it real in my home when I'm learning a new methodology. So, in the middle of the night last night, my seven year old woke up, our air conditioning had been out when we went to bed, and it came on in the middle of the night. This happens all the time in Costa Rica. The power goes out all the time. So, he woke up freezing because he went to bed with no covers on because it was so hot, and then he woke up in the middle of the night, really cold, because the air had come back on.

So he comes up to my bed, and he says, Mommy, I'm freezing. I'm freezing. Oh, my gosh. And I said, climb in bed with me, I'll snuggle you and warm you up. And he got into bed, and he starts moaning and groaning about how he doesn't have his pajama shirt. And would I please, would I go get it for him? And I said, no, I'm not going to go get your shirt for you, but I will help you put it on if you bring it up here, and you're welcome to stay in my bed and snuggle with me. My boundary was clear. I'm not getting up out of bed to go get your shirt. You can do hard things, even in the middle of the night. I didn't say those words, but, you're welcome to come snuggle with me.

A few minutes later, he starts complaining again that he's still cold. And I said, and this is one of the most beautiful tips with boundaries, is we hold them quickly. I said, You are welcome to get back in bed with me and snuggle, but you may not stay in bed and keep me awake, complaining about your shirt. You can go get it, or you can go get back in your bed and put it on. Those are your 2 options. You can go get your shirt, and bring it to me, and get back in bed with me, or you can go get in your bed and put your shirt on. And he got up and got his shirt.

This one was really hard for me because it was the middle of the night, and I actually did feel a lot of sympathy for him. But I think, especially now that my boys are 7 and 9, I'm really trying to encourage them to find that inner strength and say, I can do hard things, even in the most challenging, uncomfortable moments like the middle of the night. And it also, guys, these things help us so much because we don't get up, drag ourselves to their bedroom, get their shirt on. You know, disrupt our sleep even further. I know that their sleep is important, but so is yours. You have to care for the entire household.

I'm not saying that this is a boundary that you should hold. I'm just giving you an example of how I warmly held a boundary and did not inconvenience myself further. And showed my son that he had some inner strength. And when he got back in the bed, I just said, You did it. And I helped him put his shirt on and he snuggled into me, and we both went back to sleep.

So this is how we can hold our boundaries, and we can decide for ourselves what our limit is, because I think it's really important that we don't constantly say yes from a state of exasperation, because then, by the end of the day, we are so depleted and so exasperated with our kids, because we have bent over backwards for them a 1000000 times, that it really does not honor our own needs, and our needs as the mother, as the parent, are just as important. It's what allows us to take care of the household from a place of a more full capacity.

That's how I held a boundary this morning. I hope that you can start finding some ways where you can warmly and clearly hold boundaries. Notice I didn't scream at him to get out of my bed. I didn't yell at him for being disruptive. I said, these are your options. I'm not going to get your shirt. And that was it. And I think that's the difference between gentle parenting and permissive parenting. Is gentle parenting just removes the shaming, the punishment, and the time out. But it's not supposed to remove the boundary. That's the difference.